carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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