apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
