I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
nutella sex= disaster
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
