We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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