This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he fucked my hip out of place.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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