My first STD was from a foam party
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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