He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
