its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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