pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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