i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
