So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
