why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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