I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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