so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
