Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
