Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
