grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
