she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
