Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
