Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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