I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
