thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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