Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
