I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
