I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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