so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
