She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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