My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
