Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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