Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
