You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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