Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
