Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it glows. i had to have it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
