put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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