If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
