pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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