i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
