a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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