What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
