i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
