Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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