Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
