the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
