some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
