After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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