he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
