I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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