im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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