I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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