omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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