We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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