After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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