we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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