Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
