I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
