Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
