I hate your face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
