I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
