My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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