So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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