That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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