I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
