Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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