He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
