tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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