It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
