Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
