I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
