we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
