Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
