How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
