With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
