she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
