There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
