Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
