I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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