so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
