I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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