we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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