i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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