Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
