So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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